Northern Noise

When I was a kid, we had fondue for New Year's Eve.  My mom would make these cool meat sauces, and we would cook our meat and eat fondue and drink sparkling cider.  Sometimes my folks would go out, and the three of us would hang out at home and watch the ball drop on tv.  I have nice memories of New Year's in Kenai.  In fact, I recently acquired some more fondue pots, so I can have a fondue party here at my house.  We had friends over one night for fondue - one pot for cheese, one for chocolate, and one with oil for cooking meat and I made my mom's old sauces.  I have her original 1960 era Better Home and Garden Fondue Party! cookbook. Tonight, there's no fondue at our house.  Ali just got home and Georgia was in the Liberty Bowl so it was a bit of a busy-ish day.  Instead, Ali is having her favorite meal, mac-n-cheese, Bob and Jed are eating their favorite hamburgers with homemade french fries.  I am on day 4 of my 45 day "no sugar, no alcohol, no fun" pla

I think I'm going to end up burning in hell.... okay, for those of you thinking, "Duh, she just realized this?" I say to you, " Hush ."  I've atoned for many of the sins of my younger years, and try hard to live right.  However, I've got this inner voice pushing me to blaspheme. See, a few nights ago my son asked me, "Jesus came back from the dead, but he wasn't a zombie, right?  It made me laugh at the time, but also got me thinking.  See, I really like horror movies, zombie movies in particular.  Ever since I saw Night of the Living Dead all those years ago, I've been a big fan of brain eaters.  I also like the comic take on horror.  I smile to think of the classics:  Shaun of the Dead, Army of Darkness, Saturday the 14th .... So now I've got this hankering to try my hand at writing a movie script.  I think I can combine my twisted sense of humor with the classic genres and throw in some holiday cheer.  I've even got the titl

During this break, all my friends and family are getting sick.  My mom, sister, brother-in-law, and nephew spent Christmas Day feeling yucky and the night before up every few hours.  My best friend in Puerto Rico spent her Christmas Day at the ER; it's either swine flu, or pneumonia, or some combination thereof, but scary.  My girls are in Georgia, partly because 3 of their maternal aunts/uncles have been diagnosed with cancer in the past 2 months.  Jed and I blew boogers while sitting on the couch feeling blah for two days.  Yesterday, my mom ended up in the ER in Tillamook, largely because she doesn't have a local doc but also because she had a bad case of the flu.  I went to town today to see the chiropractor to adjust my aching back, and now my hubby is sitting with ice on his shoulder.  So what does all of this mean??  It means, dear friends, that this is it.  Mortality is reminding me of it's presence but I don't want to rush it.  So I created a plan to get heal

Here is my list of Christmas gifts that I don't want, but for some reason are oddly tempting to purchase if I had money to spare. 1) The bumper dumper.  A portable potty available in camo or traditional white.  Just because you're camping why suffer without the comforts of home? 2) Bacon flavored lip balm.  Available at  along with bacon mints, bacon gumballs and bacon bandaids.  Who doesn't love bacon?   3)  Handerpants - underpants for your hands!  Hundreds of uses supposedly.  You can even download the Handerpants ringtone at handerpants.com 4) Kung Zhu - robotic hamsters that don battle armor and fight in some sort of kung zhu arena.  These are not to be confused with zhu zhu pets, which are sweet robotic hamsters that have clothes and look cute.  I must confess that I have purchased one of these for a small relative, much to his parents' chagrin.   5) Sarah Palin toilet paper?  You betcha.   6)  WTF stamper.  I thi

Are all 7 year old boys obsessed with bad words??  For the past month or so, it's been a daily report from school about who said which bad words and how many times.  Granted, my son doesn't actually say the bad word, he just spells them or says the "s word" or the "d word."  Apparently, Jed runs with a pretty rough crowd, one of his friends says the "f word" at recess on a regular basis.  On the other hand, he still things the "c word" is "cuss," so maybe I'm not in too much trouble.  Yet. He is also fascinated with movie ratings.  Every time a movie or television show is on he asks what it is rated, and then give a run down of what every rating means. G = general.  PG = Parental Guidance and so forth.  One of his friends told him there's an I rating which means "inappropriate for all audiences."  I think he's starting to question this however, because (as he told me) "If it's inappropriate for a

I'm readying my sock drawer for Christmas.  I LOVE getting socks for Christmas and every year, Santa puts some in my stocking.  I especially love warm socks, probably because we keep our house at 64 degrees and the floor is freezing, especially in the kitchen where the flooring is tile. I used to have a whole drawer full of warm socks, thick cotton and wool as well as smart wool blends.  Then one day I realized, I had more socks than I had space for.  I had socks in every color:  cream, navy, sage, blue tweedy, charcoal, red, purple even socks with stripes.  I used to wear them to school every day with my birkenstocks, a habit that earned me laughter from my students I later learned.  I wore them around the house constantly.  Eventually my socks started to wear out, and in the spirit of conservation, I decided I'd wear 'em all until there were none left.  I also decided that when they got huge holes in the heel that I couldn't mend, I would throw them away.  Even my

I'm angry about the current debate over repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell. We are a country that claims to stand for civil rights of all; this shouldn't be an issue.  Yesterday, NPR played an interview with evangelical army chaplains who were worried that if DADT is repealed, they'll have to counsel all soldiers, even when they're committing the sin of homosexuality.   It not only made me mad and sad, it once again showed that the evangelical right doesn't count on logic and common sense to make their points. ( npr article on chaplain and DADT) The first error in their argument is that army chaplains only have to deal with soldiers who agree with their religion.  This is simply not true and, actually the military has several groups of individuals who evangelical chaplains would find sinful and offensive.  One example,  "Islam is the fastest growing major religion among American military personnel. According to the military, there are at least 4,100 Musl

We had two big milestones at our house today.  Ali turned 16 years old, and Hannah leaves tonight for Georgia; she's moving.  It's been kind of a blue sort of day.  I keep picturing Ali when I first met her, 8 months old, not yet walking or talking, super blonde and curly hair.  And Hannah, when did she get grown up enough to head out on her own?  Even if she is going to stay with family, she's still out where she's going to be (hopefully) creating her own young adult life.  Across the country from us. When we got home, Jed and I came into the house sort of quietly, knowing Hannah wasn't here anymore.  When we got in the house, the first thing we saw was chewed up cotton make up swabs all over, and I do mean all over, the kitchen.  I moaned & kicked Della the devil dog outside so I could clean up the mess.  Jed burst into tears. "Oh my gosh, Jeddar, what's wrong?" "I hate it when Della is a bad dog.  What if we have to get rid of her?  Wh

Funny, I did the little quizzie-thingy yesterday, and then last night at the library's First Friday event, I saw the  list of top 100 fictional characters.  A few of mine were on the list! Check 'em out at the following link: http://www.npr.org/programs/totn/features/2002/mar/020319.characters.html Come on folks, who are your top characters?

 Facebook toold me to "pick fifteen fictional characters (television, films, plays, books) who've influenced you and that will always stick with you."   You're suppoed to "list the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes, including the work of fiction that they're from."  Here are mine, not in order of importance.. 1.  Siddartha from the Hesse novel.  Not exactly the Buddha, but acknowledging that one must know the world in order to know good and or evil.  Also the first book I read that made me think I didn't have to follow all the rules. 2.  Owen Meany from Irving's Prayer for Owen Meany .  A Christ figure with a sense of humor.  I also love how he's the center of the story but it's all about how he affected others. 3.  Theophilus Crowe from Christopher Moore's book the Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove.  A town cop who grows marijuana but has a good heart.  Goes to show that all laws need t

"How to Avoid Pleurisy: Never make love to a girl named Candy on the tailgate of a half-ton Ford pickup during a chill rain in April out on Grandview Point in San Juan County, Utah."  ~Edward Abbey

The "little dog" (she's only 50 lbs) has been in big trouble this week.  She's having two issues which are making her not popular with her family. #1) She's started going into the bathtub and chewing things up.  One day I came home and the bath mat was pulled up off the bottom of the tub where it's lovely suction cups previously held it. It was under the table with two perfectly round holes eaten into it.  Several suction cups had been teethibly removed and were scattered around the house as well.  The next day the drain plug was pulled out - we found it in the living room-  and Hannah's electric razor was chewed into many, many small pieces.  Today it was a bottle of Superman bubble bath (which I hope tasted awful to her!) and the hook off the wall which we hang washcloths from.  We have a folding door on the bathroom, which doesn't lock, and somehow she's figured out how to open it with her nose.  It makes me grouchy. #2) Della the dirty devi

Last night we had the relish tray.  We switched it to the night before Thanksgiving a few years ago, when we realized that a) we all like the relish tray, and b) we always ate too much of it and then weren't hungry for dinner.  We do a full, yummy relish tray with veggies, meats, cheeses, olives.   We also had a nice tray of cookies... which the dog jumped up, stole, and finished off.  aargh. Meal today was perfect.  Stomach, full.  Soul, happy.  Peace to all.

Our world is ice even the dog pauses at the door what is this world, this rain? Outside the sound of dripping snow snow sliding off roofs like springtime. Inside, the woodstove, sounds of boy and dog, snoring husband wakes for football (or wii). The world seems insulated, quiet. Peace.

Thanksgivings growing up were always pretty good.  We always had good food and my aunt & uncle & cousins came over.  When we were really little, we always rode snowmachines.  Even when we were young, 7 and 8, we would take off from the house driving snowmachines.  My dad had taught us to be safe, we rode together usually, and hardly ever rode off by ourselves when it was too far to walk back. I loved riding snowmachines with my dad.  Two winters I even raced with him.  I was the junior high point state champion one year on the oval track.  When I was about 20 I went out on an all day ride with my dad and my uncle.  Mt. Redoubt had erupted earlier, and there was finally new snow to cover the ash.  The sun was out and it was a great ride.  I remember speeding across a lake and looking over at my dad and my uncle only to realize that the lake wasn't solidly frozen under the layers of snow and ash.  Where our trails should have been, open water surged up.  We just kept on goi

I think I've been coping with the whole "no running water" situation pretty well. It's weird because, as I've said, when you're set up to live with no water it's not that big of a deal.  But when your life is set up to utilize running water, it's hard to rework your life to fit in driving to showers, fetching water, and going to the laundry mat. I've been showering at the local pool in the morning before work.  The water is hot, there's not a lot of people, and it works just fine.  The other day there was a glitch because I remembered my toothbrush but forgot the toothpaste.  I hit a convenience store on the way to work and renewed my minty fresh breath.  Today was a bit more challenging. I felt good this morning as I left the house.  Made Jed's lunch, got my stuff together, hit the road and enjoyed Morning Edition on NPR as I headed into town.  Had a nice, hot shower, combed out my hair and went to get dressed in my work clothes.  Rea

I can measure eras of my life in shirts.  In high school, I had this great purple and cream colored flannel shirt that was my "go to" for when I came home and just needed to settle in and snuggle.  I remember that for my 16th birthday my parents gave me a beautiful amethyst birthstone ring which I wore all the time.  One day I couldn't find it, and panic ensued.  Mom even said some prayers to St. Jude, patron saint of the lost.  I finally found it in the front breast pocket of that flannel shirt. In college I first went through my "huge red sweatshirt from St. John's University" phase.  It was huge, almost down to my knees and super warm.  I wonder what happened that shirt?  I know that for a period of about 2 years every picture of me seems to show me wearing that shirt.  My next favorite, which lasted for awhile was a thick cotton plaid, blue and grey and white.  I wore that shirt until it just feel apart.  I remember coming home from college one break a

Dear John, I want a man who knows what love is all about.  You are generous, kind, thoughtful.  People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior.  You have ruined me for other men.  I yearn for you.  I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart.  I can be forever happy – will you let me be yours? Gloria VS Dear John, I want a man who knows what love is.  All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people who are not like you.  Admit to being useless and inferior.  You have ruined me.  For other men, I yearn.  For you, I have no feelings whatsoever.  When we’re apart, I can be forever happy.  Will you let me be? Yours, Gloria

I'm embracing the fact that there are some things I can't change.  Like water for example, or lack thereof.  They mystery of the Hadaway water system is a prime example of the fact that knowledge and science don't have all the answers.  All of the logical problems have been explored, a systematic examination of the system has been executed, theories of heat and ice and conductivity have been discussed.  The result....nada. So instead of stressing out, I'm going to my happy place.  In my mind water (and wine) flows abundantly.  Birds sing, rainbows sparkle and chocolate grows on bushes.  In this happy place it's okay to never shower, and the smells of the unwashed are welcomed and celebrated, bottled like a fine perfume.  The dirt in my family's ears is prime growing soil for a variety of luscious plants, including delicacies like tomatoes, roses and blackberries.  Personal hygiene is considered vanity and women proudly braid their leghairs instead of worrying

Today my son is doing his homework and he's adding numbers out loud.  "3 + 6 = 9. "  Then he starts to laugh.  So I ask him what's so funny.  " S-i-x sounds like s-e-x-x, " he giggles. " So why is that funny ?" I ask? " You know why. It's s-e-x-x ," he answers. " So what does s-e-x-x spell? " I ask him. He makes a face. " Mo-om.  You know what it spells. " So I ask a new question, " So why is the word sex funny?" " Mom, you know why.  It's funny.  For one thing it sounds like it would be s-e-x but really it's s-e-x-x." (I'm not sure exactly how to proceed from here.  This is uncharted territory.  Hmmmm.) " So do you know what it means? "  I ask. " Yes. "  He sounds shocked that I would question that. "So tell me what it means. " "I'm not going to tell you what it means.  You know what it means." "Okay Jedidiah, if you

I've become a wimp.  No water since Saturday and distressed.  I mean, we're surviving but I seem unable to wash dishes, wash my children, cook dinner or brush my teeth.  I did go to a friend's a shower tonight, first one since Friday, and I must say that even I know I smell better.  (Up until I'd just been sitting next to the dog and blaming any stink on her.)  The plumber did finally make it up our driveway today and spent some time, only to decide that different parts were needed and that he wouldn't be able to fix it all until Wednesday.  Wednesday.  Two. More. Days. The worse part of this all is that I lived without running water for a long time and did just fine.  Granted, I didn't have children to care for and most of the time I didn't have a professional type job, but it was no big deal.  I was more set up for waterless living, with buckets and tanks and a system for showers and clothes washing.  Now, I'm lazy and reliant on turning on the fauce

Bob being gone means a few things.  One is that I can have french fries covered in cheese and gravy for dinner.  Another is that I can spend a whole Sunday without football.  Not that I mind football, I just mind not getting to choose football.  No Bob also means no Dexter tonight, as I can't watch the next episode without him.  I can watch Amityville Horror up on the bedroom tv, and even have a manhattan while I do - on a work night. Bob being gone also means I won't sleep very well.  I never sleep well without him, although Della the devil dog will come snuggle me and I'll let her have his pillow.  It's not quite the same though.  She doesn't snore.

Bob's fortune cookie: "Alas! The onion you are eating is someone else's water lily." I'm not sure what that might mean, exactly....

Today my son asked me what the scariest moment of my life was.  It was hard to answer, since there are so many different types of fear.  His follow up question was if I had ever seen a ghost.  That one was easy.  No, I haven't ever seen a ghost.  But I've felt their presence and heard them, so I do think they're real.  At this point, my husband would be telling me how silly I am, since ghosts can't exist.  But I'm willing to accept that they do.  Here's why. When I was a kid we had a ghost in our house.  My mom, who believes in spirits, saw it and stands by its existence. My dad, who declared that he did not believe in ghosts, told the story of the strange happenings in our house in Thompson Park.  Apparently things would move, or get hidden, in funny places like a child had stashed them.  I was 5 or 6 and my brother was little, but still my parents were a bit befuddled.  And then apparently one day my dad came into the house looking for his keys, patted my br

I love horror movies.  Not gross slasher flicks, but truly scary, edge of your seat, can't put your toes off the bed at night, things that go bump and make you scream kind of movies.  Usually Ali and I watch scary movies together.  We snuggle on the couch, turn off all the lights, burn some candles and proceed towards terror.  Tonight, Ali's gone so I've convinced Bob to watch some with me.  I can't wait to be scared. The first time I ever remember being really, really scared by a story was January of 1991.  I was sleeping on a friend's floor in Portland, Oregon.  I was there all by myself, in a strange place, reading The Shining by Stephen King.  There is a scene in the book, which both movies omit, when the topiary comes to life and it's absolutely terrifying.  Even Salem's Lot , which is pretty scary, didn't affect me like The Shining .  Needless to say the movie, the original with Jack Nicholson, is one of my favorites when I want to be scared.  Ev

I've really been enjoying these last few weeks away from non-profits and stress from crazy people.  My life is back to my family, my job, my courses and balance.  Still cracks me up though.  When the entire FST board decided to resign, I had Jed with me at the meeting.  On the way out to the car afterwards, we had the following conversation. Jed:  "So mom, you're quitting the board, huh?" Mama:  "Yup son, I am." Jed:  "Hmm.  Quitting.  Does that mean you're like Sarah Palin?" (At this point, I had to do my deep breathing and count to ten so that I didn't react angrily.) Mama: "Jedidiah.  If you ever call me a Republican again, you will be in REAL trouble." Jed: "You're right mom.  Sorry.  That was a low blow." Lord give me strength.....

"Once on the elevator , elevator etiquette experts strongly recommend standing as close to a wall or corner as possible to make room for other riders. You should move to the back of the elevator if you are going a long way, and stay in the front if you plan to get off soon. If you decide to stand in front of the elevator buttons, be prepared to be asked to push buttons for other elevator riders. While in an elevator , you shouldn't eat, smoke, or talk on your cellphone. Many people prefer to ride an elevator in silence, so if you have to strike up a conversation with someone, keep the topic neutral, and your tone of voice low. If other people in the elevator seem irritated or upset by your conversation, you may want to change the topic or quiet down. Step aside for people getting off the elevator , and be sure not to block the door when the elevator stops.  ~Wisegeek.com Heh heh heh.  I've discovered a new hobby.  It's called "freak out the strangers on

Sitting in a hotel room in Bellevue, Washington.  Got a great bottle of wine at World Market, cable tv, a mystery novel, and the good news that my lumps ain't cancer.  Gonna drink some, read some, and hit the hay.  Other than missing the family, life is good.

"Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you."  ~Ogden Nash   When I was really young, Saturday night meant getting to stay up late and either read or watch television, depending on whether the folks were home or not.  As a teenage, Saturday night meant driving aimlessly around Kenai trying desperately to act cool, and usually not succeeding.  But I always had good friends, good music, usually a California Cooler or two and a lot of laughs.  We'd end up at someone's house and watch the brand new channel of music videos and eat a lot of junk food.  In college, Saturday nights didn't start until 10:00 or so. Head with the buds to hit a party or a bar, dance, drink and be merry.  Be home by 4 or 5, and sleep all day. Somehow, life has changed.  If I'm not in bed by 8:30 on a Saturday night, it's a wild one.  Currently it's not quite 6:00 pm and I'm pretty settled in.  Je

Hold on, man.  We don't go anywhere with "scary," "spooky," "haunted,"  or "forbidden" in the title.  ~From Scooby-Doo In 6th grade, I was invited to a Halloween party at David Oberg's house.  There weren't many times as kids when someone had a "big" party, in the basement of a house while the parents were upstairs instead of directing the whole show.  It was a Halloween party, which meant a costume.  It was also a chance for all the coolness that 6th grade life offered.  It was a big deal. Most years I was a vampire for Halloween.  I had a fascination with the bloodsucking creatures of the night, from a young age. ( In fact, I was convinced that the spirit of a vampire lived in the shadow on our bathroom door.)  When people asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I responded that  I wanted to be an astronaut or a vampire.  However, a real party required a real costume, so I decided to stretch my comfort zone. I don&#

"It's amazing what you can do with an E in A-level art, twisted imagination and a chainsaw." ~Damien Hirst, weird British artist . Once upon a time, a boy named Billy Bob was growing up in Buford, Georgia.  Billy Bob was a good boy with a great imagination and a quest for adventure.  When Bob (he decided the name had to be one, or the other)  was 19 he decided to walk from Georgia to Alaska.  His mother talked him out of it, but the desire for wide open spaces and the Last Frontier called to him.  He didn't make it until 1990, but when he did he knew he was home, and here he's stayed for 20 years, 2 months, and 17 days. Now Bob lives in a little house on a hill in Goldstream.   He's happy in Alaska and takes good care of his family.  In exchange, he gets to roam the hills, piss off the porch whenever he feels like it, and use power tools.  His favorite power tool is the chainsaw.  When we first moved out here from town, we had 5 and 1/2 acres of trees... n