the dog
The "little dog" (she's only 50 lbs) has been in big trouble this week. She's having two issues which are making her not popular with her family.
#1) She's started going into the bathtub and chewing things up. One day I came home and the bath mat was pulled up off the bottom of the tub where it's lovely suction cups previously held it. It was under the table with two perfectly round holes eaten into it. Several suction cups had been teethibly removed and were scattered around the house as well. The next day the drain plug was pulled out - we found it in the living room- and Hannah's electric razor was chewed into many, many small pieces. Today it was a bottle of Superman bubble bath (which I hope tasted awful to her!) and the hook off the wall which we hang washcloths from. We have a folding door on the bathroom, which doesn't lock, and somehow she's figured out how to open it with her nose. It makes me grouchy.
#2) Della the dirty devil dog from Delta has always been a smelly dog. She "makes stinky air" as my husband delicately puts it. Well since he switched her from puppy chow to big dog food on her first birthday last week, the situation has become unbearable. The worst part is that her gaseous releases are clearly audible. She walks through the house and you hear them emerge with each step. She lays next to you on the floor and a loud, long one escapes. And the dog, with all her nerve, raises her head and looks around as if to say, "Did ya'll hear that one?" and then she goes back to sleep. We've been told we need to give her a few weeks on the new food to see if her system adjusts; as it's 20 below and we can't open the windows, we may not all last that long. We have a smoke alarm, and a carbon monoxide detector for when other dangers fill our house and put us at risk; what we need is a canine methane detector!
But somehow dogs, like children, know when you're about to send 'em packing and then do something really sweet or act all cuddly. So we'll complain, burn scented candles and pull our sweatshirts over our noses. We'll buy new soap, try a different tub barrier system, and give her more chew toys. In the end, we'll put up with her, I suppose. I have considered selling her to the military as a secret chemical weapon, or locking her in the room with the kids if they're bad, or putting a fake service vest on her and taking her into the post office to clear the place when there's a long line waiting to mail Christmas packages.
Groucho Marx once said, "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." I think being outside of a dog is just plain stinky.
#1) She's started going into the bathtub and chewing things up. One day I came home and the bath mat was pulled up off the bottom of the tub where it's lovely suction cups previously held it. It was under the table with two perfectly round holes eaten into it. Several suction cups had been teethibly removed and were scattered around the house as well. The next day the drain plug was pulled out - we found it in the living room- and Hannah's electric razor was chewed into many, many small pieces. Today it was a bottle of Superman bubble bath (which I hope tasted awful to her!) and the hook off the wall which we hang washcloths from. We have a folding door on the bathroom, which doesn't lock, and somehow she's figured out how to open it with her nose. It makes me grouchy.
#2) Della the dirty devil dog from Delta has always been a smelly dog. She "makes stinky air" as my husband delicately puts it. Well since he switched her from puppy chow to big dog food on her first birthday last week, the situation has become unbearable. The worst part is that her gaseous releases are clearly audible. She walks through the house and you hear them emerge with each step. She lays next to you on the floor and a loud, long one escapes. And the dog, with all her nerve, raises her head and looks around as if to say, "Did ya'll hear that one?" and then she goes back to sleep. We've been told we need to give her a few weeks on the new food to see if her system adjusts; as it's 20 below and we can't open the windows, we may not all last that long. We have a smoke alarm, and a carbon monoxide detector for when other dangers fill our house and put us at risk; what we need is a canine methane detector!
But somehow dogs, like children, know when you're about to send 'em packing and then do something really sweet or act all cuddly. So we'll complain, burn scented candles and pull our sweatshirts over our noses. We'll buy new soap, try a different tub barrier system, and give her more chew toys. In the end, we'll put up with her, I suppose. I have considered selling her to the military as a secret chemical weapon, or locking her in the room with the kids if they're bad, or putting a fake service vest on her and taking her into the post office to clear the place when there's a long line waiting to mail Christmas packages.
Groucho Marx once said, "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." I think being outside of a dog is just plain stinky.
Comments
let me know when Della is over her "condition" and I'll come and visit.