riddles

Sometimes it's hard to know what to feel. Especially when you know you feel something, but aren't sure exactly what, and you aren't sure if what you're feeling is what you're supposed to be feeling and if it is, what does it mean? (Clear as mud now, right?). Today is one of those days.

Pink Floyd sings about being "comfortably numb" but I think I'm more uncomfortably numb. And even within the numbness there's something gurgling beneath the surface, not quite a boil but more than a simmer. It rises up into my throat, and then subsides. Swishes around some more, threatens to erupt again, and then settles down into a false dormancy.

It's not the feeling that makes me uncomfortable, it's not knowing what it means. What kind of feelings are these exactly and where are they coming from? What's the source of the unrest and why does it feel so... so.... just so weird I guess.

I want to be able to rationalize and analyze these feelings. To embrace them and feel them, but within the context of some definitions. I want to be able to clearly say what they are and why they are. But then, they wouldn't be feelings, would they?

Ahhh, it's all the riddle - How much feel would feeling feel if a feeling could feel real?

Only there's no answer.