I'm pissed
So today I stayed home. Bob thought it best since I (sort of) had a freak-out, anxiety attack episode yesterday. So I got to spend the day relaxing with my wonderful hubby, watching some Buffy, drinking hot coffee with a nip o'chocolate in it, napping. So why in the hell do I feel more stressed, not less? Why in the hell am I mean to the ones who love me? Why is the hell do I feel like punching a wall? Why the hell do I feel like running away?
Now I know I won't do those things. I know I'll carry on "like a trooper." I know it's "normal" and a "process." But today I'm pissed off. Not that my dad is dead, but that I have to keep on trucking. I'm not one of those who can afford a meltdown. There are lots of folks who would do it anyway, just let it all go and figure someone else will pick up the pieces. Not me though.
And then the ones who care will say "take care of yourself." They'll say "we're worried about you" or "you're drinking a lot" or "exercise would make you feel better both physically and mentally." The question, as always, is what do I let go?
If you know the answer, I'd appreciate a hint.
Now I know I won't do those things. I know I'll carry on "like a trooper." I know it's "normal" and a "process." But today I'm pissed off. Not that my dad is dead, but that I have to keep on trucking. I'm not one of those who can afford a meltdown. There are lots of folks who would do it anyway, just let it all go and figure someone else will pick up the pieces. Not me though.
And then the ones who care will say "take care of yourself." They'll say "we're worried about you" or "you're drinking a lot" or "exercise would make you feel better both physically and mentally." The question, as always, is what do I let go?
If you know the answer, I'd appreciate a hint.
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