competition

Our son just entered his first science fair. His inspiration was the magnet he swallowed last spring - why didn't it digest in his system like food? It's a pretty cool question and he enjoyed doing the project with his father. He even had the actual magnet which passed from bow to stern, as well as the xray. The problem came after we turned the project in.

It turns out this kid is competitive. He not only wants to win the blue ribbon, he wants to beat all of his friends and then let everyone know. Granted, he was hoping to tie with his super best buddy, but his wish was that everyone else would leave crying and envious.

So we did the "good parent" stuff and talked about competition, and the joys of learning, and being proud for just doing your best. I'm not sure it worked. So I did what I always do and called my mom for advice. Turns out, I wasn't competitive as a child - at least not against others. I was competitive within myself and, it sure sounds like, arrogant to boot!

Here are two examples:
1) When I was six years old I saw my mother reading a big ol' novel and asked her about it. She replied it was Jaws, and it wasn't a kids' book. So what did she find the next day? Me, sitting on the couch reading Jaws. Apparently it took me a couple of months, but I read that book. Not that I understood much, luckily.

2) The other example of the type of child I was came in first grade. As Jed entered first grade last fall, my hubby and I shared experiences about our own schooling. My memories prompted a call to mom.
Mom, do you remember in first grade when I had my own office?
What on earth are you talking about? You never had your own office.
But in first grade, when Mrs. McLean made me my own office in the corner out of flip charts, and I got to sit in there and do workbooks and stuff all on my own.
Melanie! That wasn't an office! You were in time out - for the entire semester.

Oooohhhh. So that explains things. In my mind I was being rewarded for my genius academic abilities and my amazing vocabulary. Apparently that wasn't quite the case. Apparently I was a disruption in class and felt the need to get all my work done super quickly and then tell the teacher how boring class was. But on the flip side, I wasn't at all traumatized by the experience of forced isolation (like I was in 3rd grade when my handwriting sheet never made the Wall of Fame... but that's another story... and I'm over it. Really) I just put a positive spin on the whole thing.

So I guess the fact that my kid isn't the most compliant and quiet isn't something to be concerned about. I mean, I turned out just fine so he probably will too.

He ended up getting first place in his category & grade,so we're going on to district. Looks like we'll have another chance to talk about sportsmanship and competition. The conundrum for me is that I want him to strive to do well, but I don't want him to be a braggart, or to need to win in order to feel good about himself. I suppose all we can do is keep talking with him and trying to emphasize participation and fun and sportsmanship.

If that fails, maybe I'll stick him in the corner for awhile. It seemed to have worked for me....