mothers

So tonight my mom sent me a message that "my blog misses me." Made me smile for a couple of reasons. One is that she's an encouraging mom. I could take the message as "You're doing a good job honey. Keep trying!" (You need to imagine a little old lady mom voice saying this, if you will.) The other is that, not only did I ever think I might be writing a blog, but it NEVER occurred to me that, once I did, anyone would read it - let alone my mother. It's a funny world.

Luckily for me, my mother is who she is. I don't need to censor myself to protect my mother - she's seen my faults and foibles and loves me anyway. Now she once told me, "I'll always love you, but right now I don't LIKE you very much." Straight talk and tough love, which was exactly what I needed. I'm lucky in that I really like my mom. She's got a great sense of humor, appreciates a nice martini, and we always have a blast when we're together. Our funny stories and inside jokes can make us both crack up no matter when or where we are.

I'm also at an advantage because my mother is much more... shall we say "avant-garde" than I am. In the bigger scheme of things I'm much more likely to be shocked, embarrassed, or horrified by her behaviors and antics than she is by mine. One of the big surprises in my life is that I haven't yet had to bail my mother out of jail for chaining herself to a state building in some sort of protest (although I know she's still got some years left to fulfill this quest). I started to realize that my mom wasn't like Donna Reed at the age of 13 when my mother "shot the bird" at some teenage boys that thought they were being rebels... it's a wonder I turned out as well as I did.

Her independent streak did cause our relationship trouble at times, however. There were a few years in my early 20's where she was convinced that she could run her own life without my opinions of what she should be doing. Luckily we're pretty much past the tense times. She's matured into a pretty sensible woman.

I think I'm also lucky because my mother and I had overlapping professional careers and I got to see her as a peer, not just as my mom. In 1997 I got to sit on stage and support her as she accepted the National Education Association's award for Educational Support Professional of the year and gave an address to the 13,000+ delegates at the national convention, the first ESP ever to be given that honor. Usually, it's the proud parents who go to watch children be honored; what an honor it was for me to have the tables turned. We've sat side by side at various meetings and conferences, usually agreeing about issues and working together, although occasionally she's been a bit misguided. Her perspective after 20 years as a school secretary taught me more about teaching than any of my education classes at the University.

Now she's retired and gets to enjoy the good life. I can practically feel her smile over the phone when she's listening to my tales of household chaos or my lamenting the task of parenting a six year old who doesn't understand why he can't make all his own decisions. She's a straight shooter and brutally honest, so she's always the one I call when I need a second opinion on whether I'm making solid parenting decisions or losing my mind. She's also not above sending 5 pounds of gummy bears to my children, knowing that the ensuing sugar rush will make life at our house exciting while she gets to sit and chuckle about it from afar.

So mom, this post is for you. And, in case you get too cocky from any compliments you might read into this, remember that I'm the eldest and I'll get to choose your old folks' home.