sigh

My son thinks he doesn't need to go to second grade. He knows everything, he tells me. If he stayed home he could take care of the dogs. If I stayed home with him we could just snuggle all day.

I'm a mean mom and make him go to school anyway. Every day I pick him up I do the hard sell on how great going to school is. Yesterday, I did my usual asking of open ended questions (trying to force him beyond the grunts of "uh-huh" or "nothing" that yes or no questions elicit) and we had this conversation.

Jed: "My teacher is really quite horrible mom. Seriously."

Mama: "How so? Give me an example of what she does that's so horrible."

Jed: "We're not allowed to tell you. We're supposed to keep it secret."

Mama: "Why Jed, that's not good. You better tell me!"

Jed: "Okay, mom, I'll tell you. She hits us. And she hits us with something."

Mama: "She hits you with something?! That's awful! What does she use? A stick? A baseball bat?"

Jed: "No mom, worse. She hits us with a bread machine."

Okay - back up...A BREAD MACHINE? What kind of warped kid comes up with a story where a teacher hits students with a BREAD MACHINE. That's just weird. I sit and don't say anything while I wonder if I need to drive my child directly to a psychologist. Then I hear:

"Mama, I was just joking. She doesn't hit us with a bread machine, just with loaves of bread."

Okay, I feel so much better now......