echolocation

"I love talking about nothing. It is the only thing I know anything about.” ~Oscar Wilde

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a talker. I like to talk & tell stories. I love words and how subtle variations make for such different meanings. I talk to myself and process out loud, and I talk to others. I can talk to strangers in the grocery store (which totally embarrasses my children) and I can talk to people I know. Along with talking, I tend to have a high tolerance for noise. I came from a family of noisy, vociferous folks and I also teach high school so typically I function just fine amid vocal chaos.

But the last two days, my patience has been tried. As my mother's ancient curse was successful and I have a child who is like me, my son likes to talk as well. I remember when he was a baby and how his father and I waited for his first words, and then his first sentences. We encouraged him and talked to him and were soon rewarded with the sweet sound of his voice. The irony is that now, I long for the moment when he's quiet. When sounds aren't erupting from his mouth and all over my house.

See, he makes noises from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed. If these noises are logical, such as asking questions or holding a conversation I tend to handle them just fine. I even do okay with the constant battle noises he makes - from machine guns to bows & arrows to clone blasters. But this week he's developed two habits that might just do me in: beat boxing and the repetition of senseless questions.

Beat boxing, as I have recently learned, is the "art" of using your voice and body as a musical instrument. By inhaling and exhaling and forming various sounds, Jed can "lay down a beat." He started with some deliberate practice, but I think it's become a mindless habit at this point. If I'm not careful I forget that he's developing his future career and think he's turned into a babbling brook.

It's the senseless questions (sq's) that truly have me at my wits' end, however. Some idiot once said "there are no stupid questions." HA! There are stupid questions, and there are annoying questions that become stupid when they're asked over and over, even with variation. Today, Jed's sq's are taking two tracks. The first is "How many days...." For example, "How many days are in 7 years?" To which I patiently reply, "2,555." This is then followed by, "How many days are in 70 years?" followed by "How many days are in 56 months?" followed by "How many days are in 1 million years?" At first I tried to answer him, thinking this was a growing interest in math. But then I asked "Why are you so curious." "No reason," Jed says, "How many days are in 7 years?"

The other track is the "Who is your favorite?" question. I'm getting a constant barrage of "Who is your favorite child / person / character in Lego Indiana Jones / child / dog / book / song / person / child/ serial killer.... (the last one I made up, but you get the point.) The thing that pushes me over the edge is that he doesn't really care or even listen to the answer, he just wants a response.

So in true thoughtful parent fashion, I decided to ponder my child's annoying behavior and discern what is driving it. My husband the behaviorist thinks that children repeat behaviors if the results reinforce the behavior. As such, I have two theories. Either my child's goal is to drive me into the looney bin or he's practicing echolocation. Since echolocation is a method of locating objects by sending out sound and waiting for sound to return, my theory is that Jed is sending out questions and wanting answers as a way of reassuring himself that I'm here. He doesn't really want anything from me, other than to know I'm still here.

To take this a step further, he needs reassurance because he's nervous or this behavior has simply become a habit and has no purpose at this point. I'm going with theory #2 at this point.

The key now is to change the behavior or replace it with something else. At this point, I'm thinking about replacing it with duct tape.....