relaxing

I don't think I know how to really relax anymore. Life is always so busy that even when my body is still, my mind keeps on churning. I've become aware of this constant churning within my chest as if my motor is always idling, ready at a moment's notice.

So today, here I am at Alyeska, sitting in front of a big ol' window, looking at amazing mountain scenary and lots of happy skiers and snowboarders. Somewhere on that mountain is my husband, trying out downhill skiing for the first time since 1983. (Gosh I hope he comes back in one piece!) I'm drinking coffee, reading my book, blogging, and enjoying the fact that there's nothing I have to do. Well, there's actually plenty to do but I didn't bring it with me, so I need to let it go, right?

I wonder when I lost my ability to relax? I wonder how I find it again? I refuse to accept that it's "just the way it is" with busy schedules, kids and jobs. Other people do it and I need to learn their secret. I think the ability to truly relax is direct correlated to the ability to have fun, which I think I've lost as well.

I'm doing better at living these days - eating better, sleeping better, exercising more - now I need to step it up. I need to learn to have fun again, to relax.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.